hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Randomize
