I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
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