Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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