i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
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