D3 body, D1 cock
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
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