Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
We don't watch enough power rangers
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
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