Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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