hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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