don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
