R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
PANTIES FOUND
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