absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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