don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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