I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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