You can't motorboat a personality
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
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