He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
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