I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Randomize
