Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
