I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
