I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Randomize
