Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
