Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
