there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
