I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Boobs speak an international language.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
