I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Randomize
