i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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