if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
