Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
