Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
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