hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Farmville is her only friend.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
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