I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
