I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Randomize
