last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize