I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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