ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Don't make out with my wife yet
this just has baby written all over it
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Randomize