Quick, to the slutcave!
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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