There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
