Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
