There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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