Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
