8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
