Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Randomize