yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
