The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
