My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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