So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
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