okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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