Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
