We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
