I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Randomize
