Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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