you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I think I sprained my soul last night
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Randomize
