I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
