I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Found the puke drawer
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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