we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
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