Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
It's no shave November. This is our time.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I think I just sharted jello shots
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
