Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
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