Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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