awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
