It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Randomize
