final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
