READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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