Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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