and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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