D3 body, D1 cock
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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