i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize