if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
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