thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
You smell like a Billy Joel song
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Randomize
