I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
be right there i have to get my cape
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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