She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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