if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
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