I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
