She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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