the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
