i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
