Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
