I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
