Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
please don't ironically join a cult
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