Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
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