alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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