I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
