I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Randomize
