Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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