my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
