so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize