No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Randomize
