How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize
