Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
