Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Pooping to opera.
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