Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Randomize
