Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
