She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
