I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
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