Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Randomize
